Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You. [Ebook] Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You *Full Pages* [[All Format Support]] By Susan. Emotional blackmail by Susan Forward, Donna Frazier, , HarperCollins Publishers edition, in English - 1st ed.
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Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward. They're all examples of emotional blackmail, a powerful form of Emotional blackmailers know how much we value our relationships with them. Emotional blackmail is a powerful form of manipulation used by lovers, friends, colleagues and families. Punctuating her text with case studies, Forward shows.
They're all examples of emotional blackmail, a powerful form of manipulation in which people close to us threaten to punish us for not doing what they want. Emotional blackmailers know how much we value our relationships with them. They know our vulnerabilities and our deepest secrets. They are our mothers, our partners, our bosses and coworkers, our friends and our lovers. And no matter how much they care about us, they use this intimate knowledge to give themselves the payoff they want: Susan Forward knows what pushes our hot buttons. Just as John Gray illuminates the communications gap between the sexes in Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, and Harriet Lerner describes an intricate dynamic in The Dance of Anger, so Susan Forward presents the anatomy of a relationship damaged by manipulation, and gives readers an arsenal of tools to fight back.
Kudos to Ms.
I have done a pretty thorough reading of books dealing with control, cults, emotional abuse, etc. I feel like I could write a thesis on this stuff by now. This was the best all around. I am a third party observing a loved one in a controlling relationship. What I love about this book is that it gives very concrete strategies for dealing with controlling people.
The strategies are very well laid out, lots of examples of phrases that neutralize the offender.
As a therapist, she also addresses the discomfort many of us would likely encounter when trying to put these strategies into practice. In addition to the concrete information on strategies, she describes why it might be hard to recognize that you are in an unhealthy controlling situation and how to know for sure.
She helps clarify the personal damage victims of control sustain. I have become much more aware of people in my life that may be using unhealthy methods of control and have used the advice to stop, think and strategize to help me.
It even helped me become a little wiser to ploys of friends of my kids.
It can be ever so slight to completely obvious. Once you know the pattern, it makes it quite easy to spot what is happening and put in place the tools Excellent book!
Once you know the pattern, it makes it quite easy to spot what is happening and put in place the tools taught by Frazier to protect and defend yourself. I would highly recommend this book. May 22, Crystal rated it it was amazing. I think everyone should read this book. I know what you are thinking I could relate to a great deal in this book and I'm sure you will too. May 23, Sophia rated it really liked it Shelves: THIS is what my stepfather does.
He is toatally a punisher! Its nice to have names for things, it makes them seem more manageable, more comprehensive. It helps my brain organize behavior idk idk.
I actually did take a lot of really great stuff from this book. Some of it Ive been doing for a while, but most of it i haven't really been conscious of, and a lot of her advice and techniques are brilliant. Like non-devensive communication, i used taht with my mother last night and it was great.
I mean THIS is what my stepfather does. I mean there really are no other ways to deal with my parents, in the past ive just done my best to never talk to them because no matter what i say could and would be used against me in some way in future conversations. And with D. I leave early, i "work" late, whatever. I shouldnt have to lie, but i dont feel like im going to get very much out of this.
Im going to try this but i somehow dont think it will be very effective with him. My relationship with my motehr might be easier to help. Anyway, i recently had come into some idea of how much blame i take upon myself, but i think this kind of pushed the limit of my realization fartehr. It has expanded from, "wow i guess columbine and the tsunami and the holocaust wernt my fault after all" to something more realistic. Now i understand taht its not all about just understanding taht im not to blame for big things, its about not feeling guilty when someone yells at me because i used all the vinigar and i need to adopt more of an "okay, so we'll just download some more" kind of attitude.
But its also undesrstanding taht i have needs and expectations too, so my life is going to be much less putting myself last. I understand its all give and take, but i should at least get my way sometimes.
I think the big kicker was not apologizing for stating how i feel. If someone gets upset because i feel neglected or alone im not going to apologize for that. Ive stated how i feel, making me apologize isnt going to fix anything.
And now looking back i realize that my freind K. She convinced me to pay for everything for her and yelled at me even when i was doing something nice. I knew back then that i didnt want to be freinds with her anymroe, so i slowly started to communicate less and less with her. I thought moving out of my parents house was the best course of action, and it was. But it didnt solve any of my problems with them long term. It gave me perspective and leeway and it was a very valuable experience,but undoubtably i will have to communicate with them at some point and running away is not the answer.
Oh no better hurry and write my book before my life is perfect and i die! Apr 10, Sonder rated it really liked it.
I wish it was not as focused on couple relationships, even though there were other examples of relationships. This book was really easy to read and gives tools to understand ourselves better when we're in the middle of a storm. It was also heartwarming to read all those stories about real people.
Nov 13, Nicole rated it liked it Recommended to Nicole by: I read this book because I know I've dealt with emotional blackmail in my life, and I wanted to gain some perspective on it. Overall I think this book was good because it was an easy read there are many stories about her clients that make the book interesting, and you want to find out what happens to them. There were definitely some interesting points throughout the book, but for the most part the points seemed self-evident to me.
The book is aimed more so at those currently experiencing emotion I read this book because I know I've dealt with emotional blackmail in my life, and I wanted to gain some perspective on it. The book is aimed more so at those currently experiencing emotional blackmail, so it'd seem more relevant if you needed help getting out of a current situation. In the end, I wanted to stop reading the book but convinced myself to finish what I'd started. May 14, Rebekka Steg rated it it was amazing Shelves: I recently finished reading this book although I did read the Danish translation and it's made a great impression on me.
It is definitely something I've struggled with in my past relationship. Allowing someone to run all over me, using guilt, threats or verbal abuse to make me give in.
Not only does the book deal with what emotional blackmail is, it also tells you the background for it, and what you can do to stop it from happening again, by working on yourself and your own behaviour.
Nov 16, Shelli rated it it was amazing Shelves: I wish I'd read this book many years ago.
Very useful. View 2 comments. There are no discussion topics on this book yet. Readers also enjoyed. Susan Forward helps you identify and correct an intensely destructive and confusing pattern of relating with those you love.
I highly recommend this important book! It then concludes with telling you specifically how to deal with emotional blackmail, that is, how to keep your energy, resources, and sometimes your very soul, from being stolen by them. What an insight! This is particularly, true, I think, for those of us raised in rigid, controlling homes with emotionally blackmailing parents. Thereafter, we are, so to speak, fertile ground for any future emotional blackmailers.
The term I used was ridding myself of people whose presence felt like "being nibbled to death by ducks. Kudos to Ms.
I have done a pretty thorough reading of books dealing with control, cults, emotional abuse, etc. I feel like I could write a thesis on this stuff by now. This was the best all around.
I am a third party observing a loved one in a controlling relationship.